Archive for November, 2015
Writing About the Writing on Jezebel
I’ve only recently discovered Jezebel and now have the pleasure and pain of reading old articles that I’m too late to comment on. It’s like reading about conversations on topics I care about that took place at the most amazing dinner party that I didn’t know I had been invited to.
The articles are well-written and sometimes shine a light on under-represented groups and the dark sides of societal norms. These pieces are especially interesting to me because I’m trying to be aware of situations when my unconscious biases need to be checked.
Check, please! Thank you! 
Since I’m too late to be part of the discussion in the comments, writing about them is the next best thing.
My favorite post from the past is “A College Freshman Turned in My Blog Post as His Homework” by Dodai Stewart. Stewart was notified by a college professor that a “…white male student attempted to get by on the intellect of a brown woman…by stealing her work on appropriation.” Stewart describes the incident and aftermath, and ponders how to respond to the student’s apology.
The plagiarized work was from Stewart’s piece “On Miley Cyrus, Ratchet Culture and Accessorizing With Black People”.
There are 854 comments on the post and almost all of them are insightful, informative, hilarious, or a combination of all three. When I was done, I felt like I’d read a book that wove together bits of information on college writing skills, plagiarism, flimsy apologies, cultural appropriation, and humor.
I’ve given up reading comments on most sites because the hatred expressed makes me fearful and depressed for the state of humanity. But Jezebel comments…so little trolling and the snark is good-snark. It’s smart without the “smarter than thou” tone.
I’ve got Stewart’s piece bookmarked so when I’m miserable from political campaigns and social network posts that read like hate speeches, I can return to a beacon of hope in the dark world of the interwebs.
How To Tell If You Have A Cat And Other Business Problems
I have a problem. I’ve been experiencing unusual symptoms and can’t tell if I have a cat or not.
You’re probably thinking “Seriously, how can you not know if you have a cat.” Let me remind you that a 47 year old woman recently gave birth one hour after realizing she was pregnant. Sometimes it’s hard to tell these things.
Today I met with a trusted advisor to see if she could help me determine if I have a cat or not. She had a series of questions about my symptoms:
Advisor: Is there is a cat in your house?
Me: Well, I can’t say for sure. I saw a cat on the stairs yesterday but haven’t seen one yet today. Sometimes they hide or sleep in weird places, so there might be a cat in the house. Or not.
Advisor: Are you feeding a cat?
Me: This seems black and white, but it isn’t that simple. I put out food and then when I check the dishes later, they are less full, but I haven’t actually witnessed a cat eating food. Maybe the food evaporates. Or a raccoon sneaks in and eats it. I saw the tail end of something that looked like a raccoon on my bed.
Advisor: Let’s backup. When did you first notice that you might have a cat?
Me: OK, I can answer this one. My neighbor was going out of town and asked if I’d like to watch her cat at my house. One of her other two cats picks on this one. So she brought the cat over with some food and litter and when she let her out of the carrier, she promptly ran and hid under a chair (the cat, not my neighbor). This was about two weeks ago.
Advisor: Great. So we know there has been a cat at your house recently. Now we just have to determine if you have a cat. Cat owners name their cats. What is her name?
Me: <sigh> This is another question that is tough to answer. My neighbor told me that the cat’s name was Stripes when she adopted it from another family. I have a hard time pronouncing that word…it gets tangled up in my mouth. She’s not really my cat, I think, so it doesn’t seem right to rename her. For now I’ve been referring to her as “She who shall not be named”. I did catch myself thinking of cat names, though.
Advisor: I see. Did your neighbor return home?
Me: I think so, but I haven’t actually seen her. I didn’t hear from her on the day that she was supposed to return, so I sent her an email and asked if she needed me to watch the cat for a while longer. She said that would be helpful.
Advisor: Hmm, that is vague. Let’s try a rapid-response technique. Just say the first answer that comes to mind. Ready? Cat hair!
Me: Everywhere!
Advisor: Vomit!
Me: None, thank God!
Advisor: Litterbox!
Me: Yes!
Advisor: Meow!
Me: Meow!
Advisor: Did you really just meow back at me?
Me: <defensively> You said to say the first thing that came to mind!
Advisor: I think you should give it more time to see if it clears up on its own.
And that is how we ended the conversation.
I still don’t know if I have a cat. But I know I love metaphors, so here’s one: Sometimes at work something is obvious to a few people and the rest just don’t get it.
For example, rumors of pending layoffs are percolating and several people ramp up their networking while the rest are shocked and unprepared when they are let go. Or a new vice president takes over a division and some people pay extra attention to the direction the wind is blowing. The others are surprised and dismayed when groups are reorganized, budgets are reallocated and projects are reprioritized.
It’s almost as if a few people have their eyes open and the rest are wearing dark glasses. I recommend keeping your eyes open. You’ll be better prepared for change and have an advantage over your coworkers who aren’t paying attention.
Some people naturally absorb many details around them and don’t get bogged down by what is right in front of them. If that is part of your personality already then take advantage of it! Practice putting it to use by listening to hallway conversations instead of tuning them out. When senior leaders are talking, don’t take their words at face value. How are they delivering their messages – vaguely, talking around issues, or over-emphasizing that people should “stay focused on their work”?
If observing everything is not natural to you but you want to be highly regarded and get promoted, then you can approach this by being politically savvy. Don’t worry about paying attention to everything. Instead, pay a lot of attention to what senior management is doing.
Who are they meeting with and how frequently? What projects are they most interested in? Is there a change in their usual routines? Make sure you greet them and ask what they’re focused on these days, and if there’s anything you can do to help. You can piece together a lot of information with these tactics.
Don’t be a weirdo hanger-on or an over-eager, desperate wannabe. We know those people and despise them, right?
Be natural and nonchalant while you are being curious and observant. Then maybe you’ll be quick to realize when the business is shifting and be able to make your choices proactively.
As for me, I’m going to buy some kitty litter. I want to be prepared in case I have a cat.
Damage Control at Work
Some of my worst moments at work were when I pissed somebody off. Fortunately, I can only remember a handful of times when someone was really angry with me. And even more fortunately, I learned early on in my career how to do damage control.
I took a 12 week Dale Carnegie course that changed my life for the better in many ways, and learning to recover when someone became angry with me at work is one of them. I recommend the course to anyone who wants to improve at public speaking, human relations and leadership. But if you just want me to get to the point about damage control, here it is:
Say that you were wrong.
Or the way Dale Carnegie states it in his Principles from How to Win Friends and Influence People: “If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.”
I had just learned about this principle when I managed to piss off an entire team of people that I was working with at the time. Upper management had decided that I would take over a program that they had been responsible for and I jumped in without discussing the change with them.
When the situation blew up, I felt terrible. I should have scheduled a meeting with them and positioned the change as a way to alleviate some of their 
workload. Instead, it came across as if I was stealing their project without considering what they wanted.
I immediately went to each person and apologized, said that I was wrong, and asked if we could have a meeting to make a group decision about how to manage the program in the future.
I remember those conversations very clearly. They all responded to me graciously and thanked me for approaching them. Sincerely acknowledging that I was wrong made me vulnerable and was disarming. I didn’t bring defensiveness or justifications to the conversations so there were no battles.
The nervousness that I felt when I knocked on their office doors was much less painful than the remorse and anxiety of upsetting them and making a mistake that could have damaged my career. By doing immediate damage control, my career wasn’t damaged at all. In fact, those team members had more respect for me than they did before; our working relationships improved.
That experience made a deep impression on me. I’ve only made a few fury-inducing work mistakes since then and am grateful I that I know how to manage them.
Recent Comments