Archive for May, 2017

Not long ago I attended a City Hall meeting where a contentious topic was being reviewed. The council members were voting whether to continue pursuing a specific site to build a homeless shelter for men. The chambers were packed with community supporters on each side of the issue.

For much of the meeting, three of the elected officials were in favor and four were opposed. When it was time for each council member to explain their position, it was fascinating to listen to those who opposed the shelter. They each emphasized their compassion for homeless people but wanted more data, more options, and more time to think about the issue.

If you took their words at face value, it sounded fine. But those of us paying attention to the issue for many months knew that they already had the data and options that they referenced. Instead of honestly saying “no, I oppose the shelter because it’s controversial” they gave excuses and hid their true intent behind words that meant the opposite of their actions.

It was easy to spot their deception because they have a clear motive for trying to appease everybody: they want to get reelected!

In the workplace, it isn’t always easy to tell when someone’s intentions are different from their words. For example, if you ask your manager for a raise and they say they need to ask their leadership team whether budget is available, they are deflecting the responsibility to other people. It would be simple to tell you later that they would have liked to increased your salary, but it wasn’t possible. You would have a hard time learning whether that was true or not.

If you get the sense that someone is hiding their true intentions behind words that are meant to convince you of the opposite, you can always ask them to clarify. A great way to do this is to paraphrase back to them what you think they mean – not what they are actually saying.