Archive for March, 2015
One More Thing Before I Quit
When you’re planning to leave your job, there’s one more thing you may want to add to your checklist.
Besides saving extra money, planning for your future healthcare, making sure you leave with all the compensation you’re entitled to, and all the other tasks like getting your personal data off of your company’s computer, writing a positive goodbye email, and so on, there’s one more thing.
But only you know what it is.
Whether you’re unhappy in your current job, or just ready to move on, there’s probably something you want to accomplish before you’re done there. It could be finally learning a new skill that you had been avoiding or completing a project that gives you credibility for your next role. It could be finishing a program or product that you’ve been immersed in, and want to see through to the end.
Maybe you’re finally ready to apologize to a colleague to resolve a mistake you made in the past. It could be standing up to a workplace bully to prove to yourself that you won’t accept that kind of behavior. Or, establishing boundaries with your manager to reclaim your sense of personal power.
You know what it is. Add it to your list. Go do it.
Mmmh, popsicle
Dogs, Communication, and Letting Go of Expectations
She’s cute but she’s going to tell you exactly how it is.
I’m not an anthropomorphist. I appreciate all sentient beings’ abilities to communicate in their own ways. However, I got caught up in imposing my own idea for entertaining my parents’ dog Ruby when they visited recently. And as a result, got to experience how Ruby communicated her different outlook on the situation.
Normally when I visit my parents’ house, I bring a dog cookie from a local pet supply store. They are baked, healthy, and shaped as hearts, footballs and cupcakes, coated with a yogurt frosting. Ruby loves these cookies. First she will take one and hide it somewhere, like under a couch cushion. Then she’ll retrieve it to show it off to the humans in the house before hiding it somewhere new. If she remembers where she hid one, she’ll eat it at some point. Otherwise my mom will find one in her purse one day, or in the toe of a slipper.
A prized doggie cookie.
When my parents visited me with Ruby, I thought it would be fun to take her to the pet store and let her get a cookie directly from the source.
Ruby is an adorable white, waggie puff of a dog. She loves to greet friends and strangers alike, but has mixed feelings about other canines. As we went in the store, the owner’s large, old huskie was lying on the doormat. His dog isn’t always there, but when he is I like to stop and pet him for a while. But this time I wasn’t sure how Ruby would react, so the owner shuffled his big dog behind the counter.
Then as my mom and I were debating which cookie was the cutest, Ruby pooped on the doormat. The owner took it well, but we were so embarrassed.
And because I go through life experiencing situations as metaphors and parables, I realized that I had created an unrealistic expectation of Ruby. In my mind, I imagined she would be excited to get her favorite cookie at the store where I buy them. In reality, Ruby was concerned about letting the owner’s dog know that she was making her mark on his space.
Ruby’s direct communication was a reminder that having a positive attitude about any event and hoping it will go well is fine, but all kinds of things are beyond our control. Other people (and animals) act on their own autonomy and unexpected factors are part of many situations. Things may not turn out the way we envision them.
So there’s the moral of the story. If you fixate on the outcome of events instead of letting them unfold as they will, sometimes all you end up with is shit on the carpet.
“Yes I want the cookie but I’m just going to poop here so the other dog knows I’m no pushover. ‘kay? Cool.”
How You Quit Matters
When leaving a job, we all know it is best to part on good terms. You know…don’t burn any bridges. HOW you quit will stay in people’s memories long after you’re gone.
I recommend that people set an objective for how they want to quit and be clear why it benefits them.
For example:
- Leave with a solid reputation – because it provides source of positive referrals for future companies, or the possibility of returning to your former employer.
- Exit with all of the compensation you’re entitled to – because waiting until your stock or 401K vests, or for a bonus, provides money that you may need or help cushion you through a transition.
- Quit as soon as you’ve mastered a skill, or launched a successful program – because leaving while you’re confident and proud of your work is the ideal attitude to have while launching into your next phase.
Having an objective for the way that you want to leave your job gives you something to hold onto when you’re having a particularly bad day. It is a reminder of why you aren’t storming out of the office – you’re determined to quit on your terms.
I have to note, though, that I interviewed people who reached a breaking point at work and quit suddenly. After being yelled at in front of his coworkers, one customer service representative told his supervisor that, “I will no longer allow you to treat me this way. I quit.”
Another woman I spoke with was so miserable that she couldn’t take one more day of work. She went into work, got a few things from her office, and told her manager on the way out, “I’m quitting today.”
While it is prudent to leave on good terms, the people I spoke with had no problem finding other jobs. They had felt crushed by their old jobs and standing up for themselves was a way of taking their power back. It reminded them that in fact, nobody had the right to treat them abusively.
And then there’s Marina Shifrin, who became famous for her dance video resignation letter.
Did Your Manager Go to the Dark Side?
As I researched the topic of people quitting their jobs, I heard a lot of stories about evil managers. No surprise, right? Unfortunate employees across all industries had tales of harassment, corruption, and behavior that would be shocking if it wasn’t so prevalent.
The saddest stories I heard were the ones about bosses that didn’t used to be evil. Their ex-employees told me that some of them used to be great. They were effective leaders who clearly communicated expectations and treated their staff with respect. There was mutual trust and positive manager/employee interactions.
What made these bosses go to the dark side?
- The managers’ workloads skyrocketed and they did not have the support of their own bosses.
- They were promoted to higher levels and as their egos inflated, their people skills declined.
If you have a boss who turned evil and you’re clinging to the shreds of the person he or she used to be, your odds aren’t good. I only heard one story about a bad boss who became more supportive of her staff as her home life improved. But she was one who started out evil. I didn’t find any stories of people making it back from the dark side once they crossed over.
It can be cathartic to share stories of nasty bosses, but I’d rather learn something from these scenarios. First, if you’re reporting to a bad boss, you know it probably won’t get better. Now is a good time to start planning your next career move.
Second, there’s an opportunity for self-reflection and choice. When I worked in a difficult environment and was constantly stressed, scrambling to meet last-minute deadlines, and exhausted, I didn’t have my full set of interior resources to draw upon. It took much more effort and energy to put the Dale Carnegie and Emotional Intelligence skills I’d learned to use. I had less time to help others and less patience with mistakes. I didn’t like that my behavior and attitude could be negatively impacted by my job. When I changed careers, one of my priorities was to work in environments that enabled the best version of me to show up more often than not.
Leave the evil bosses behind.
And when you grow your own career, remember the warning signs. Don’t go to the dark side.
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