Archive for September, 2019

Last weekend I went to a workshop at a yoga studio. The instructor was greeting people in a different room than the small one where we were practicing, so we were left to find our own places for our mats in two rows. As more people entered the room, those of us already sitting down kept edging our mats nearer to each other to make space for them.

When the two rows seemed full, with mats closer together than what is typical, two more students arrived. Whereas at first people seemed unbothered by standing up and shuffling mats closer together three or four times, now they appeared reluctant.

This stressed me out. I imagined that the newcomers felt unwelcomed and unsure of what to do. I stood up on my mat and said lightly, I think we can make room for one more in our row. The woman on my left protested a bit, but once a few others stood up to accommodate the new people, she also moved over.

I thought about how some people in the room had seemed attuned to the needs of the group as a whole – for everyone to have a spot and to be included. Others were deep in conversations or sitting quietly with their eyes closed.

Initially I felt disappointed that not everyone seemed to care about being inclusive and welcoming. Then I realized that not everyone needs those qualities. Maybe they have other attributes that provide a benefit I couldn’t see. And besides, not everyone needed to take care of the last people to join the group. All they really needed was one person to advocate for them and a few others to cooperate.

I experienced that firsthand earlier in the day. I was picking up a very large box from the post office, and as I walked towards the exit with my arms full, a woman walked ahead and opened the door for me. I thanked her and her kindness made me happy. I didn’t need everyone in the post office to help me – I only needed one person to hold the door.

When we’re struggling with an issue at work, it can be frustrating and demoralizing when our coworkers don’t support us. One way to deal with this is to consider whether you really need your entire team’s help. Maybe you just need one ally to listen to you vent, or to brainstorm ideas with.

If you can’t find a single supportive person at your workplace, it’s time to look for another job! In the meantime, find someone outside of work to support you – a friend, a counselor, or a likeminded person in your yoga class.