Living Your Values
Getting work done in difficult times
Even during less stressful times, I sometimes have trouble concentrating on my work. I can spend too much time worrying about everything on my to-do list, or lose focus when I’m interrupted, and then at the end of the day I’m disappointed with my output.
Then at the beginning of March 2020, my day-to-day anxiety spiked with the news headlines and worries about family and friends, and my work productivity took another hit. I knew I needed to break away from habits that were getting in the way of my work and replace them with simple, sustainable actions that help me succeed.
Different things will work for different people, but I have my best days when I do these two things:
- Commit to focusing on one thing at a time.
- Plan for something enjoyable when the workday is over.
Commit to focusing on one thing at a time
It isn’t enough for me to vaguely know that this is a good idea. When I wake up in the morning, I set an intention to focus on the task at hand, whether it is a work or personal project. I remind myself not to multi-task and to bring my attention back to what’s right in front of me if my mind starts to wander.
We’ve all heard about how mindfulness and being present helps us stay centered and mentally healthy. But it is equally true that splitting attention between multiple tasks and thinking about things besides what is in the present is harmful to wellbeing.
I didn’t take this seriously until I had a string of terrible workdays. I had a hard time concentrating and felt scattered because my attention kept jumping from the file I was updating, to the pings I got on messenger, to the meeting reminders, to the phone calls, on and on and on. By the end of the day I hadn’t made enough progress on anything to feel a sense of accomplishment. Instead I felt drained and frustrated.
It can be tempting to just do “one little thing” while on a boring conference call, and we can tell ourselves these little tasks like typing an email, or updating a file are productive, but any gains in time saved are cancelled out by the hit it takes to our brain power. If I’m really having a hard time staying focused in a virtual meeting, I take notes about what is being discussed.
Plan for something enjoyable when the workday is over
This could be anything that sounds nice; it doesn’t have to be anything grand. This is helpful because it gives you something to look forward to all day. It makes any tedious work feel temporary.
A recent fun thing to look forward to after work was having happy hour on my balcony. It was the warmest, sunniest day we’ve had all year and I was excited to have a little more time in the fresh air. I had planned to wrap up my work by 4:30 PM and go outside, even though I knew that my client would probably contact me about an urgent issue.
Sure enough, when I was halfway through a glass of chardonnay, my phone buzzed with a request to talk. It was no big deal. We chatted for all of 3 minutes, and I spent another 20 minutes on my laptop, while sitting on my living room floor with my feet on the balcony next to my glass of wine. Then I got back to enjoying my evening. If I hadn’t planned for my happy hour, I probably would have sat at my desk waiting in case my client needed me and I would have missed out on great way to wind down my day.
Another day’s plan was less ambitious: I decided that after I finished work and dinner, I would play a game on my phone for as long as I wanted before bed. Today’s plan is to bake chocolate chip cookies.
If it seems counterintuitive to be more productive at work by planning to have fun afterwards, consider how you feel when you’re looking forward to a big event, like an exciting vacation. It is a mood booster, and being in a good mood is great for productivity.
It also makes the not-so-fun parts of the workday more tolerable when you know that they will end, and you will soon be doing something that makes you happy.
Making it a habit
There are other things that also help me with energy and focus, like getting outside for a daily walk, eating nutritious food and limiting the amount of time I spend reading the news or social media. But I just do these things, without needing to be quite so intentional about it.
It takes time to build habits. Until it becomes an automatic part of my lifestyle to stay in the moment instead of multi-tasking, and to give myself something to look forward to every day, I need to remind myself to do these things. Sticky notes on my desk, a daily calendar reminder – whatever it takes.
These are stressful, uncertain times, which isn’t ideal for productivity. And yet for the last few weeks I’ve ended each day satisfied with what I’ve accomplished. And now I’ve got to complete my to-do list, which I’m excited about. Because when I’m done…there will be freshly baked cookies. Can’t wait!
There’s more than one way to be an independent worker
I refer to myself as a consultant, and think of it as an umbrella term for many types of independent work. I also don’t want to pigeon-hole myself into one type of arrangement because one of my favorite things about my career is the ability to work in many types of roles.
Some of those roles have been:
- An interim leader managing one line of a business while the employee was out on maternity leave.
- Project-based consulting, when I led a product or initiative through its launch, or developed a strategic plan for the full-time team to execute.
- Staff augmentation, when I performed many of the same responsibilities that a full-time employee would do for a team.
- Freelance writing and editing on a per-piece basis.
There are other terms as well, including fractional leaders and gig workers, that are sometimes used specifically, and other times are generalized to mean “independent”.
GigX is a company that provides a directory of independent workers to help organizations match with people who have the skills and experience they need. One of their members interviewed GigX’s Fractional Chief Business Development Officer about the nature of independent work. It’s a great look at this field: https://www.gigx.com/blog/insights-on-going-independent
Whether you’re an independent worker or are considering this type of work, or are hiring independent workers, I wish you success and satisfaction.
Recovering from emotional fatigue
When we’re physically exhausted, a good night’s sleep is often enough to bounce back. Emotional fatigue can take a lot longer to recover from.
When we’re drained of energy by things like the shock of bad news, being overwhelmed by too much on our plates, or from slogging through a rough day at work, we often don’t feel better the next morning.
It took me many years to learn what helps me recover from this type of exhaustion. My best remedy is spending an entire day or more in a quiet, dark room. I’ll read a book or just rest. The important part is the sensory deprivation, which is my antidote for too much stimulation.
Of course, it’s often not possible to shut myself away from everyone and everything for 24 hours because even on a weekend there are people or things that need attention. When I can’t take a long break, I ask myself, “what is the most supportive thing I can do for myself right now?”
During a rough day last week, the answer was to take a 30-minute walk in the last bit of afternoon sunshine after I finished work. A month earlier, it was to take two hours to be alone in the middle of a weekend spent with others. Even though neither of these were my perfect solution, I felt significantly better in the moment and was back to my normal self within a couple of days. I found a way of starting to regain energy instead of continuing to add to my stress and exhaustion.
Part of why this method works is that I acknowledge how depleted I am and then assign the intention of supporting myself to whatever action I decide take. If last week I had just hung out on the couch, scrolling through my phone mindlessly for two hours, I would have distracted myself but not taken steps toward refilling my tank.
If you’re feeling drained, what is the best thing you can do for yourself right now?
The unideal workplace
When I finally lost my idealism about work, I was embarrassed that it took so long.
In the early years of my career, I believed that the workplace would be a fair and rationale environment. When situations occasionally arose that led me to think, “that’s a waste of company money” or “it is unethical to treat people like that,” I was indignant.
It just seemed…wrong. And shocking, because it was the opposite of my worldview that people are mostly honest, hard-working and strive to do the right thing.
Over time, I realized that I had been extremely naïve. When I began noticing all the ways that workplaces enable bad behavior, I grew jaded.
It was many years later before I changed my beliefs again. My more pragmatic outlook these days is that while people don’t always act ethically, most organizations aren’t riddled with corruption.
I realize that it is human nature to prioritize self-interest. Sometimes the pressure of meeting deadlines or budgets or unrealistic expectations leads people to make choices that they wouldn’t have made if they felt like they had better options.
Even people at the highest levels of organizations who sometimes seem truly rotten can at least be understood, if not sympathized with. They may be driven to succeed at all costs because of insecurity or by a lack of empathy. They may be pressured by their stakeholders. Or maybe they just don’t have the capacity as a human being to treat other people with respect – and that’s sad.
It’s much less surprising or disappointing to me now when I see bad behavior. Instead of focusing on the wrongness of it, I try to widen my perspective to include the possibility that the people involved are doing the best they can with the circumstances they’re in. It’s not ideal, but it’s real.
Learning from experiences
Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.
-Victoria Holt
Lately I’ve had several work and personal situations that followed the same pattern:
- I put a lot of time and effort into a project.
- It did not go as I had hoped, and I was disappointed.
- Then, something changed, and the project turned out even better than I planned.
After noticing this trend, I reflected on how I had dealt with the disappointments. I was glad that I hadn’t wasted too much energy feeling frustrated, angry or sad because in each case, things ended up better than I had originally hoped for.
I’m glad for the positive endings. But even if I hadn’t been happily surprised, what good would it have done to dwell on the negative? Naturally, I was dissatisfied when at first, I didn’t get the results I wanted. However, those feelings were softened by focusing on what I had learned from the experiences.
In addition to the coincidence of this pattern occurring several times within a few weeks, what I remember is that the positive outcomes were unexpected. I was going down paths with clear visions of end results that did not materialize.
As it turned out, the work I did along the way was the important part. I learned from the experience…and it turned out wonderfully.
Everyone at Deadspin quit
By November 1, 2019, every writer and editor at Deadspin had quit.
If you haven’t heard the backstory, it reads like fiction: the Gawker Media website published a sex tape involving Hulk Hogan, who then partnered with billionaire Peter Thiel to sue the site (Thiel held a grudge against Gawker for outing him). Upon winning the suit, Gawker was forced into bankruptcy and Deadspin, one of its blog-sites that covered sports, was sold to Univision Communications, who later sold to a private-equity firm that created a new company called G/O Media Inc.
G/O Media’s owners and management team did not integrate well with the existing staff. There were accusations of gender discrimination and writers and editors were baffled by their leader’s demands that weren’t in the best interest of readers or staff, or even the bottom line. When a beloved deputy editor was fired, the entire staff quit in protest.
I was shocked. Perhaps belonging to the GMG Union provided sufficient solidarity to band together. It’s much more common for peers in a toxic work environment to quit one-by-one, in a slow trickle, when each person either finally finds a new job or hits the limit of what they are willing to accept.
If you’re dealing with your own toxic workplace, don’t expect your peers to stand with you to the end. When people feel like their jobs are in jeopardy, they are more likely to focus on self-preservation. Instead, focus on making the best choices you can. For some, that might mean quitting as soon as their integrity is challenged. For others, it might mean putting their family’s need to stay housed and fed first – and then finding a better job.
One person to help
Last weekend I went to a workshop at a yoga studio. The instructor was greeting people in a different room than the small one where we were practicing, so we were left to find our own places for our mats in two rows. As more people entered the room, those of us already sitting down kept edging our mats nearer to each other to make space for them.
When the two rows seemed full, with mats closer together than what is typical, two more students arrived. Whereas at first people seemed unbothered by standing up and shuffling mats closer together three or four times, now they appeared reluctant.
This stressed me out. I imagined that the newcomers felt unwelcomed and unsure of what to do. I stood up on my mat and said lightly, I think we can make room for one more in our row. The woman on my left protested a bit, but once a few others stood up to accommodate the new people, she also moved over.
I thought about how some people in the room had seemed attuned to the needs of the group as a whole – for everyone to have a spot and to be included. Others were deep in conversations or sitting quietly with their eyes closed.
Initially I felt disappointed that not everyone seemed to care about being inclusive and welcoming. Then I realized that not everyone needs those qualities. Maybe they have other attributes that provide a benefit I couldn’t see. And besides, not everyone needed to take care of the last people to join the group. All they really needed was one person to advocate for them and a few others to cooperate.
I experienced that firsthand earlier in the day. I was picking up a very large box from the post office, and as I walked towards the exit with my arms full, a woman walked ahead and opened the door for me. I thanked her and her kindness made me happy. I didn’t need everyone in the post office to help me – I only needed one person to hold the door.
When we’re struggling with an issue at work, it can be frustrating and demoralizing when our coworkers don’t support us. One way to deal with this is to consider whether you really need your entire team’s help. Maybe you just need one ally to listen to you vent, or to brainstorm ideas with.
If you can’t find a single supportive person at your workplace, it’s time to look for another job! In the meantime, find someone outside of work to support you – a friend, a counselor, or a likeminded person in your yoga class.
Tiny steps to cope with a bad job
Earlier this week my yoga teacher asked the class to think about joy. Are we cultivating it in our lives? Our focus for the session was to infuse our practice with the feeling and expression of joy.
I’m someone who finds it easier to self-reflect than to generate the feeling of joy on-command. When asked to think about something joyful and remember how it feels, my first instinct is to think of beloved beings from my past. Namely, my grandmother and my cat Milo, neither of whom are still living – so then I feel sad.
My second instinct is to think of something wonderful that is present in my life. While I’m grateful that my current projects and personal connections generate much happiness, thinking about them in this context makes me feel a bit anxious. Because as with my grandmother and cat, I can’t help but imagine what it will be like when they’re gone.
I realized that if I want to intentionally create the feeling of happiness in a moment, I need to think about something with much lower stakes. Luckily the 2019 VMA awards just happened and the clip of Lizzo performing “Truth Hurts” and “Good as Hell” makes me smile and sing along every time (seriously…I watched it for the 20th time in 3 days and still shout “yeah!” with her at the end). Lizzo’s own video for “Truth Hurts” also makes me stop what I’m doing and dance every time I watch it.
Side note: If someone would make a mashup video of Lizzo’s “Boys” and Macklemore’s “Downtown” my life would be complete.
This experience made me think about how hard it can be to feel peace, let alone happiness, when work sucks. When you dread going to the worksite every day and come home exhausted, the negativity is overwhelming. It’s a weight that tends to stay with us even in our off hours.
It’s not easy to rise up out of the heavy feelings caused by a bad work situation but the secret is to make the tiniest effort. It is natural to focus on things that take larger amounts of time, energy and focus, like finding a new job and all the steps that go along with that…finding job listings, refreshing your LinkedIn profile, lining up references…
Landing a new job that’s a better fit is important to work towards, but it’s also important to cope in the meantime. Making sure there are moments of feeling happy and lighthearted can keep downward spirals away and reminds us that there is more to life than our jobs.
If you feel like you’re drowing in a negative work environment, try spending some time every day thinking about what little things still make you happy or are pleasurable. The tinier the better because it’s an entry point to get past feelings of anxiety, sadness, or overwhelm. Then don’t stop at the thoughts of something positive; feel it in your body, too.
Eating something you like for lunch? Awesome, enjoy what it tastes like. Focus on it. Make the most of the meal. Hot shower? It feels good to soak in the steamy air and get clean. Notice that. It doesn’t exactly feel “happy” as much as it feels relaxing and calming. That works just as well! Or like me, take 3 minutes to watch a video that makes you smile. Then you can ask yourself:
Everybody needs a break once in a while
Everybody needs to take a break once in a while.
When we’re stressed and overwhelmed with work it can be challenging to take a few hours or a few days for ourselves. But spending a little time somewhere quiet, with a nice view, is a great way to slow down and regain perspective. In the grand scheme of things, having too many difficult projects with too-short deadlines is temporary. Life is bigger than our jobs.
When work and life are flowing smoothly, it is still important to take a break every now and then. Instead of using the time to recover, we can just…be. Breathe fresh air, watch a sunset, spend a few hours looking at geese making their way up and down a shoreline. It might spark creativity. It might just be a chance to shore up energy reserves that we’ll need to draw on later.
Do you need a break?
Playing to our strengths
Yesterday a nonprofit that I volunteer with hosted their annual fundraising gala. I enjoy participating but I also feel a lot of stress around this event.
One issue is feeling bad for not procuring enough items for the silent auction. I didn’t procure any this year, agghh! Another is struggling to invite people to attend because I feel awkward asking. Fellow introverts: tell me you can relate!
Part of my guilt is that the agency asks board members to do these things and I hate failing to meet an expectation. This was bothering so much that I had to find a way to resolve it.
I decided to remind myself that I contribute in other ways by volunteering on a committee and spending time on other projects and programs every month. But I needed to reinforce this idea so that I fully believed it. There was still a part of me that thought “Yes you do those things, but you should also do more for the fundraiser.”
So, I shared how I was feeling with another volunteer while we were setting up the room in the morning. He said that he also has a hard time asking people for donations and that events aren’t his strong point. Then we spent a few minutes talking about a few volunteers who are very good at it: they have great event planning skills and enthusiastically seek out services and items for the auction. We are grateful for them and know how much the agency needs people like them.
But as we continued to talk, we agreed that the agency needs volunteers that offer varying strengths. We need people who are great at fundraising and events and we also need people who are good at policy, project management, public speaking, and skills that are core to the agency’s mission. We can’t all be good at everything, but we need everyone’s individual strengths to cover the components that are critical to the agency.
I’m sure I’ll continue to be nervous about helping with the gala. But I’m finally at peace with my contributions. Staying focused on my strengths is more helpful than using my available time and energy trying to be less bad at fundraising.
The same is true in our careers. Not everyone is good at talking to clients or tracking budgets or documenting processes. Making the most of our strongest abilities will have a bigger impact than being devoted to turning a weak skill into a mediocre skill.
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