Tag: being kind to yourself
Your experiences are valid
I recently had a pain in my body so strong that it kept me awake for four nights. I didn’t know what was causing it. When I saw my doctor, she didn’t seem to know what the problem was or think it was a serious issue. For a moment, I started to question if the sleeplessness and severity of the pain was really a big deal. As the appointment was wrapping up, she mentioned that I could get a test before I left.
When the test results came in, it showed a definitive cause of the pain. The treatment was just a strong dose of Ibuprofen and the issue eventually resolved itself. I was elated. I felt relieved to know what the problem was and that there was a simple treatment. But much more than that, I felt vindicated. The test results were undisputable, and proved to the doctor that I wasn’t exaggerating or having a psychosomatic issue, imagining my discomfort.
The reason for this story that is both too vague and too personal is that there was pain. Whether or not the test uncovered the reason for the pain, there was pain. I was awake for four nights and there was no reason for me to try to convince myself that that experience was any different from what it was. And yet when my physician didn’t seem concerned, I started to question it.
It is not uncommon for other people to dismiss our pain because it isn’t theirs. It doesn’t mean the pain isn’t there. The analogy to work is that when people are inside toxic workplaces, it is very easy for their concerns to be brushed aside.
If your coworkers, friends, or family downplay your descriptions of harassment, verbal abuse, retaliation or other serious work issues, take a step back to consider their motivations. When people respond unempathetically, it might be because they don’t know how to process your suffering and therefore try to squash the topic that is making them uncomfortable. Another possibility is that their egos are trying to protect them from imagining what it would be like to be in your position. They may have a belief that they are too smart or too strong to “let” themselves be abused, and use that belief like a magic charm to ward against it. A third possibility is that they are resigned to the fact that workplaces are frequently toxic and there aren’t great options for dealing with it.
Regardless of the reasons why others may respond poorly, you don’t need external validation for your lived experiences to be true. Trust yourself. Your experiences are valid.
Time to Get Up!
Alarm clocks: friend or foe?
Is it hard to get out of bed in the morning? Maybe you’re exhausted, you’re depressed, your allergies are acting up, you dread getting up because you hate your job…whatever the reason is a lot of people have a hard time getting out of bed.
There are many ways to force yourself to get up, but if it feels like punishment you’re not being kind to yourself. Booming alarm clocks that startle you awake are effective, but what a crappy way to wake up! Setting the alarm clock across the room might also force you to get up, but then do you hit snooze and get back under the cozy covers and repeat until you’re really tired and really late for work?
As with almost any obstacle, you can find options that encourage and support you instead of bullying yourself. Celebrate small wins. If you wake up tomorrow and feel like you can’t get out of bed, I bet you can sit up and lean against your pillows – that’s a start. Then maybe flip the light on. Then you might try grabbing your smartphone off the nightstand and start answering work emails until your brain is engaged enough to get up.
These or any one of a hundred creative ideas or small steps could be the solution to leaving the comfort of your bed to start your work day.
During the last two weeks I’ve been focused on a big project that required more working hours and energy than is ideal for me. I was extra tired in the morning, but still wanted to get up and get right to work. I needed a boost, but was determined to find a positive solution that felt like I was being helpful to myself – not mean.
Waking up and smelling the coffee.
This is how my Keurig coffee pot ended up on my nightstand.
I filled the water reservoir before I went to sleep. When my alarm clock went off, I either hit snooze or turned it off. But I also leaned over and turned on the Keurig, put in a coffee pod, and started brewing. Even if I was still lying down, I associate the smell of fresh coffee with getting moving in the morning and my mind started waking up. When the cup was brewed, I had little creamers ready to go. I couldn’t drink my coffee lying down, so I had to sit up. From there, it was much easier to take the cup of coffee into the bathroom and start getting ready for work. If you haven’t had coffee in the shower yet, you’re missing out!
Whatever you experiment with to make your obstacles easier, I hope you do it in a way that is fun and supportive.
Rest well my sleepy friends, and wake with ease and a positive start to your day.
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