It's about doing meaningful work that is true to your values

Tag: getting help

One person to help

By on September 30, 2019 in Living Your Values with 0 Comments

Last weekend I went to a workshop at a yoga studio. The instructor was greeting people in a different room than the small one where we were practicing, so we were left to find our own places for our mats in two rows. As more people entered the room, those of us already sitting down kept edging our mats nearer to each other to make space for them.

When the two rows seemed full, with mats closer together than what is typical, two more students arrived. Whereas at first people seemed unbothered by standing up and shuffling mats closer together three or four times, now they appeared reluctant.

This stressed me out. I imagined that the newcomers felt unwelcomed and unsure of what to do. I stood up on my mat and said lightly, I think we can make room for one more in our row. The woman on my left protested a bit, but once a few others stood up to accommodate the new people, she also moved over.

I thought about how some people in the room had seemed attuned to the needs of the group as a whole – for everyone to have a spot and to be included. Others were deep in conversations or sitting quietly with their eyes closed.

Initially I felt disappointed that not everyone seemed to care about being inclusive and welcoming. Then I realized that not everyone needs those qualities. Maybe they have other attributes that provide a benefit I couldn’t see. And besides, not everyone needed to take care of the last people to join the group. All they really needed was one person to advocate for them and a few others to cooperate.

I experienced that firsthand earlier in the day. I was picking up a very large box from the post office, and as I walked towards the exit with my arms full, a woman walked ahead and opened the door for me. I thanked her and her kindness made me happy. I didn’t need everyone in the post office to help me – I only needed one person to hold the door.

When we’re struggling with an issue at work, it can be frustrating and demoralizing when our coworkers don’t support us. One way to deal with this is to consider whether you really need your entire team’s help. Maybe you just need one ally to listen to you vent, or to brainstorm ideas with.

If you can’t find a single supportive person at your workplace, it’s time to look for another job! In the meantime, find someone outside of work to support you – a friend, a counselor, or a likeminded person in your yoga class.

The Hero’s Journey at Work

By on July 23, 2015 in Living Your Values, Meaningful Work, Quitting with 0 Comments

heroIf you’re a reader or writer or fan of Joseph Campbell, you already know about the Hero’s Journey. Or, if you pay attention to movies like The Hobbit, you already know the story arc. It goes something like this:

The heroes don’t start out as heroes. They are ordinary people (or Hobbits!) with ordinary ups and downs until they are called to go on a quest. The quest can take many shapes – maybe they are called upon by other people to take on a responsibility they had never considered before. Or maybe there is an inner restlessness and discontent, urging them to leave the unsatisfying but predictable life they have created for themselves.

At first, the heroes resist the call, but ultimately set out on the journey, willingly or not. Along the way, these heroes-to-be meet people who help them on their journeys and fight battles together to reach their destination. These heroes also meet people who appear to be friends and helpers, only to discover that they are actually obstacles in disguise.

Finally, the heroes reach the pinnacle of their journeys and fight the last battle alone. Once they have achieved their purpose, they die.

Or…they don’t literally die. Often what happens is that the heroes’ lives are radically transformed and they return back to civilization to share the knowledge they have gained.

So what does this have to do with work?

You’re discontent in your job and feel like life is passing you by. You are restless but scared to leave what you think is a secure position. Then maybe a new job offer comes along, or a family member gets sick and your priorities change, or you get fired. All of a sudden you’re forced on the hero’s journey, ready or not.

You need help from others. It’s part of the deal. Even Tom Hanks in “Castaway” had Wilson the volleyball as a sidekick. And that help will appear, in the form of friends who provide emotional support, or a compassionate manager who restructures your job to get you through the tough times. Or new people will come along, offering work or financial assistance.

Take the help.

But be discerning. The other part of the deal is that some people will offer an outstretched hand to help you right over a cliff. Listen to your gut, not what you are wishing and hoping for. Don’t give away all your secrets.

With new people, leave yourself some room to back away if you need to. With people you already know, it can be harder. Don’t tell your longtime coworker you’re looking for a new job until you’re ready for the whole office to know it. Don’t show your weak spot to your work-friend who is competing with you for a strong annual review score – or competing with you to avoid being the person the company has to downsize out of a job.

That nice guy you’ve known a long time, who works in the department next to yours? If he’s providing a sympathetic ear, what’s in it for him? He might be pumping you for information because it is his best interest.

Remember, you’re vulnerable, so dig deep to access your inner knowledge. Accept the right help from the right people. If something feels “off”, TRUST THAT FEELING. You might be tempted to grasp at whatever help shows up in front of you. Don’t. There are others you can count on. Real friends, family, people in your community, or new people who are worth trusting one step at a time.

When the obstacles appear, who’s by your side?

Eventually, when you’re at your destination and have to fight that last battle alone, draw on the strength and knowledge you’ve learned from the people and your experiences along the way. It might be a new way of approaching a work issue. More confidence to ask for the salary you deserve. Better boundaries that keep your work in alignment with your values.

And then?

You may die. Probably a metaphorical death, meaning that your old self has dissolved and a newer, stronger, smarter, truer version of yourself has begun to live a more authentic life.

Then spread the word. You may be the help your coworkers need on their upcoming heroes’ journeys.

 

Note: I receive a commission from Amazon Associates for products purchased via links from this page. I only recommend products that are aligned with my truth!

Compost and Metaphors

By on July 10, 2014 in Living Your Values with 0 Comments

You know what I love? Composting.

Know what else I love? Metaphors.

What do metaphors and composting have in common? Well, let me tell you this story.

I’m really into urban composting. About a year ago I found out that my city’s waste management program provides compost pickups and immediately ordered a bin for my home owners association. I was so excited! It’s such an easy way to keep decomposable stuff out of landfills.

I finally got to use my little green composting pail with a lid and holes all around it for air to circulate. I line it with a decomposable bag and keep it under the sink, filling it with food scraps that would otherwise go in the garbage disposal or garbage can. Every few days I take the bag outside to my community’s bin and feel green and happy for the rest of the day.

I am diligent about composting. I’m also in kind of a rut about what I eat, so I mostly fill it with banana peels, carrot trimmings and egg shells. And lately, whatever soft food my cat doesn’t finish eating each day. It was only a few months ago that I discovered that Milo’s wet food containers are recyclable. How could I not have known this?! Having sent hundreds of those little tins to a landfill over the years is awful. To help make up for it, I began composting his leftovers instead of adding them to the garbage disposal sludge.

The whole system has worked out very well. But last week was different. I’d been off of my routine, not feeling that great, and let my little compost pail fill up for an extra day or so. I finally went to empty it last Monday.

You know what happens next, don’t you?

When I lifted the bag from the pail, it had already started decomposing and leaked rotten-smelling liquid onto the floor. And maggots. Thick, pale, squirming maggots.

I quickly put the whole mess into a shopping bag and took it to the dumpster. Cleaned and disinfected the floor. Washed out the compost pail and put it in the dishwasher. Scrubbed my hands.

Later that day, I put Milo’s leftover food down the garbage disposal. Which immediately started leaking under the sink.

Fortunately a plumber came the next day and replaced the disposal system. He gave me a tool that rotates the grinders in case they get clogged, told me to fill up the basin and drain it once per week, and said to keep out coffee grounds and orange peels. It seems fine so far. But it got me thinking how strange it was to have two garbage problems within hours. That’s where my love of metaphors comes in.

I hadn’t been feeling good because of some personal “garbage”. The garbage accumulated to the point that it made an ugly mess. I dealt with the mess as best as I could, but the system in place (the garbage disposal) didn’t work. So I had to get outside help from experts. The experts addressed the immediate problem and provided tools and advice so that I’m better equipped to manage garbage issues in the future.

I like this metaphor because it can be applied to many circumstances. Some garbage causes messes that we can resolve on our own and be done with. Other times it is beyond our scope and requires specialists.

As for me, I’m happy to be back to a manageable level of literal and metaphorical garbage.

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