Tag: letting go of ambition

I keep getting emails from Scott Dinsmore with his rallying cry question of “Are you all-in?”

No, I’m not. And I’m fine with that.

I’m editing and fine-tuning my book that I’m committed to publishing. I’m using a chunk of my savings and evenings working through a checklist of tasks to move my startup business forward. I’m spending the majority of my daytime hours on a consulting gig that I recently started, and am devoting energy into delivering top quality results for my client. I started this blog and a professional Facebook page to share my interest in the topic of meaningful work and connect with other people who want to live closer to their values. But I’m not all-in on any of this.

I’m not giving up my sleep, health, or social life because I put a higher value on my day-to-day happiness than launching my startup business faster. I’m not scheduling every half-hour of my week to maximize my productivity because it’s more important to me to have a certain amount of unstructured time. I’m not launching a professional Twitter account because I’d rather unplug from technology when I need a break and I don’t want to feel obligated to respond to tweets every few hours.

Maybe at some point I will turn more attention to these areas of my life, ramping up the hours and energy I spend on them. I might choose to be more active on social media to grow my businesses. Or I might let some activities go so that I can dedicate more effort to my highest priorities. But right now, my soul is guiding me to be a little easier on myself.

For most of my life my M.O. for success was to go all-in on every project I felt responsible for. I powered through when I was tired, sick, and when I’d rather be doing something else. This way of living started in high school, when I stayed up until 3AM if that’s what it took to complete a school project that was due the next day. Nobody encouraged me to do this – I felt compelled to turn in good assignments on time, in the same way that in my later working years I made sure that my deliverables met my bar of quality and met my deadlines.

Looking back at my career, I certainly produced a lot. When I think of the sheer volume of programs, projects, presentations, and materials that I generated in any given year, I feel more surprised than proud, because it seems like I delivered an unrealistic workload. Which is part of the problem that I’ve read and heard about so much in my book research – and I didn’t have to look very far to find it. Company employees are continuously being asked to do more with less. Layoffs happen, budgets are reduced, and the remaining employees don’t just pick up the slack – they work to continue to grow the business. Just today I had a conversation with a woman who often works until 10PM because she’s responsible for the equivalent of two full-time jobs. Like many of us, she feels compelled to give it her best effort, but she also acknowledges that it’s not how she wants to live her life.

When I lived this way it felt like I was plugged into a corporate machine. I was running on adrenaline and there was no way to shut it off. I went from working a bunch of hours in a stress-filled office to coming home late and tuning out until it was time to sleep. And I needed a lot of sleep to be able to get through the days. I know not everyone operates like this, and there are people who can leave work at work, or check out and stop caring, or find other ways to cope. I saw it all: people coping with prescription meds, booze, drugs, or by acting out.

I didn’t want to just cope; I wanted to enjoy my life every day. When I quit my job, I stepped off the treadmill. Life slowed down so much that it was a shocking adjustment to have plenty of energy and many more hours in each day than what was required to work on my book and new business. When you’re used to running at 60 MPH, walking takes some getting used to.

I’m not the only one. I read an article on Tiny Buddha by Joe Scherrer, who wrote about what it was like to step off the treadmill of ambition. In his case, it was a two-month vacation that flushed the adrenaline out of his system and showed him that there is another way of life besides striving for success all of the time. After that experience, he didn’t want to go back to a lifestyle of constantly pushing to get ahead.

I also loved reading Tara Sophia Mohr’s blog post that offers a different perspective on what successful people do before breakfast. There is so much “GO, GO, GO” pressure in American business. Being productive is a need, but it isn’t the only need. Having calm, rest, and pleasure are also needs and they are just as valid.

As much as I like Scott Dinsmore’s advice about how to live up to our dreams, I’m not going all-in at this time. So if I take a weekend off instead of posting on my professional Facebook page or going to a networking event, I get it if some people think I’m not taking the right steps to advance my goals. But I’ve had enough of running the treadmill. This time I’m walking.