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Is your story hurting or helping you?

By on May 30, 2020 in Living Your Values with 0 Comments

We all tell ourselves stories about our lives, even if we don’t think about it that way. Every memory that comes to mind includes a judgement of the experience.

Imagine you were writing a story about your life. If you only wrote about the worst things that ever happened to, you would seem like a very unlucky, miserable person. But if you only wrote about the best things you’ve experienced, your life would look very different.

What type of story serves you best? Do the ones where you made mistakes, were hurt by others, or suffered in some way help you live your best life now? If not, let them go. Focus on the stories where you had successful outcomes, helped others, or experienced pure joy.

The stories we tell ourselves about work

When I’m upset about something that happened at work, I’ve found one of the most helpful paths forward is to reframe it.

We are unable to know the absolute truth about any situation because we’re not omniscient. We filter every experience through the lens of our personal histories and our unique interpretations.

What we tell ourselves about an event or another person is a story. And since it is just a story and not the absolute truth, we can choose to adjust it to a more helpful and healthy way of thinking about it.

Instead of beating myself up about a project that didn’t go as well as I’d hoped, I choose to focus on the fact that I delivered to the best of my ability with the resources that were available.

When I’m tempted to interpret a colleague’s grumpy attitude as “OMG they hate me,” I force myself to consider that they may be having a bad day and it could have nothing to do with me.

If I’m overwhelmed with urgent tasks, my go-to, multi-point story is that:

  1. I can only work on one thing at a time
  2. The work will either get done or it won’t
  3. Nobody is going to die

If your story isn’t helping you succeed, rewrite it.

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