Living Your Values
Pace yourself
I heard someone say that they only gave 40% of what they’re capable of to their company job. They save the rest of their time and energy for themselves.
When I told a coworker about it later, I said that I’d feel too guilty to do that. But then we talked about how we burned out earlier in our careers because we pushed to the limit for years. And how it wasn’t worth the exhaustion and sacrifices to our personal lives.
If I could go back in time, I would do it differently. I’d stick more closely to a 40-hour work week and make more time for friends, hobbies, and relaxing. I probably would have had the same level of job success without the burnout.
You don’t have to sprint all the time
There are times when a big presentation or project deadline takes extra time and effort to complete. Sometimes it’s exciting because I get to showcase my best work. Usually, it’s just a slog to finish in time and someone higher up the chain gets the glory.
Either way, sprints should be infrequent.
I’ve had roles where there was so much pressure to deliver an unrealistic workload that I ran on adrenaline for 10 – 12 hours every weekday. I’ll never do that again.
If a role requires more work than can be achieved in roughly 40 hours per week, it’s not a one-person role. If management is unwilling to prioritize then they are not the kind of employer I’d like to work for. If they load the calendar with meetings, leaving no time during the day for actual work, then it’s not the right culture for me. If they demand an excessive amount of tracking work vs. doing work, then I wouldn’t be happy. If they believe working 50 – 60 hours per week for a 40 hour per week paycheck is reasonable, then they don’t respect their employees and I wouldn’t respect them as managers.
A fast pace with long hours might produce results in the short-term, but it isn’t a sustainable model for productivity or morale. I’ve burned out from working like that in the past and I regret it. When I set boundaries and stick with them, I’m happier, I make fewer mistakes, and I meet my deadlines.
There’s no good reason to sprint all the time.
It’s hard to succeed in your job if you don’t fit in with the workplace culture
I recently heard someone say that the ability to succeed in the workplace depends on how well you adapt to the culture.
I wish I had learned that lesson at the start of my career. It could have spared me years of fighting to survive in workplaces where I would never have fit in.
I’ve had jobs that I stayed at too long past my expiration date. After the honeymoon phase, I slowly realized that the way I approached my work was not what those organizations wanted. Worse, in one of those roles, my work ethics were not aligned with the team’s.
If I could go back in time, I would have started looking for new roles as soon as I sensed that what I brought to those jobs — including my capabilities, ideals, and personality — were not valued. Instead, I burned out while putting my energy into trying to fit in better and succeed despite the environment. Towards the end, all my energy went to coping one day at a time.
What a waste.
On the other hand, I’ve been fortunate to experience some roles that were a great fit. My managers understood and supported what I was working on and how I did my job. I was mentored by people I respected. I could put my energy into my projects instead of navigating politics and temperamental managers. My skills and personality meshed with team’s charter and culture.
I accomplished a lot for those organizations.
I thrived.
Looking for a better alternative
My least favorite service vendor to work with is someone who takes days to respond to emails, takes weeks to provide estimates, is late to appointments, and will reschedule at the last minute. The only reason I don’t fire them is that their responsibilities are just one part of a greater scope of work that is done well at a good price. I know because I seek out bids for the same work every year.
I have concluded that I’m better off staying with this vendor for the time being, despite the poor experience.
Will I replace them as soon as I find a better alternative? Absolutely. Would I recommend them to others? Never. But for now, it’s in my best interest to put up with some poor communication and unreliability because I don’t have a better alternative.
This same approach can apply for jobs, too.
There is nothing virtuous about tolerating a toxic workplace
Coping with a bad job while you search for something better? Great. Doing what you need to do to pay the bills until you can move on? Sometimes necessary.
But there is nothing virtuous about staying in a toxic work environment just because you think you should be able to handle it. Tolerating bad treatment on the job doesn’t earn you a badge of honor.
Your experiences are valid
I recently had a pain in my body so strong that it kept me awake for four nights. I didn’t know what was causing it. When I saw my doctor, she didn’t seem to know what the problem was or think it was a serious issue. For a moment, I started to question if the sleeplessness and severity of the pain was really a big deal. As the appointment was wrapping up, she mentioned that I could get a test before I left.
When the test results came in, it showed a definitive cause of the pain. The treatment was just a strong dose of Ibuprofen and the issue eventually resolved itself. I was elated. I felt relieved to know what the problem was and that there was a simple treatment. But much more than that, I felt vindicated. The test results were undisputable, and proved to the doctor that I wasn’t exaggerating or having a psychosomatic issue, imagining my discomfort.
The reason for this story that is both too vague and too personal is that there was pain. Whether or not the test uncovered the reason for the pain, there was pain. I was awake for four nights and there was no reason for me to try to convince myself that that experience was any different from what it was. And yet when my physician didn’t seem concerned, I started to question it.
It is not uncommon for other people to dismiss our pain because it isn’t theirs. It doesn’t mean the pain isn’t there. The analogy to work is that when people are inside toxic workplaces, it is very easy for their concerns to be brushed aside.
If your coworkers, friends, or family downplay your descriptions of harassment, verbal abuse, retaliation or other serious work issues, take a step back to consider their motivations. When people respond unempathetically, it might be because they don’t know how to process your suffering and therefore try to squash the topic that is making them uncomfortable. Another possibility is that their egos are trying to protect them from imagining what it would be like to be in your position. They may have a belief that they are too smart or too strong to “let” themselves be abused, and use that belief like a magic charm to ward against it. A third possibility is that they are resigned to the fact that workplaces are frequently toxic and there aren’t great options for dealing with it.
Regardless of the reasons why others may respond poorly, you don’t need external validation for your lived experiences to be true. Trust yourself. Your experiences are valid.
Recognizing when you need a break
I feel very fortunate to be working and enjoying my job right now, when so many people are unemployed or have limited opportunities to change roles. I also feel worn out from all the hours and energy I’ve put into both paid and volunteer work in the last couple of months. Although I have no right or desire to complain, I realize that I need to take a break before I start trudging through unproductive workdays or get so run down that I get sick.
Next week, I’m looking forward to a three-day weekend, when I will completely unplug from all work from Friday afternoon until Tuesday morning. This weekend, I practiced setting that boundary in a couple of ways. First, by letting others know I would fulfill my obligations during the workweek and second, by turning my attention back to the present whenever I started thinking about my work to-do list.
It wasn’t the most exciting weekend, but putting work out of my mind and focusing on what was in front of me made me extra appreciative of the great dinner I ate, the perfect temperature on my afternoon walk, and the fact that today was the first time in three weeks that I washed a load of laundry without a tissue hidden in a pants pocket.
Why is it so hard to admit our privilege and biases?
Why is it so hard to admit our privilege and biases?
Nobody enjoys being called out for doing or saying something problematic. But in the absence of having wrong behavior brought to our attention, why is it so difficult to consider the ways we’ve received advantages or participated in systems that limit opportunities for others?
I recently read several great articles on these topics, and what they all point out in different ways is that at the root of the issue is fear.
Chris Boeskool published a 2016 Huffpost article, “When You’re Accustomed to Privilege, Equality Feels Like Oppression” that sums up the fear of losing what we’re accustomed to.
On the flip side, what is there to gain by admitting advantages – or lack of disadvantages – that we’ve experienced in our jobs, in our access to housing, and in our daily activities like shopping or exercising?
We might gain a new perspective and empathy for the ways that people can have different experiences than us. It might lead us to examine the way we treat coworkers, customers, or people we pass in the grocery store. Maybe, even if we think we’re already doing fine, it will lead us to do better.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou
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