Doing what you don’t want to do

When it comes to doing something I don’t want to do, I make one of two choices:

1. I don’t do it
2. I do it, and am clear about my reasons why

In career-land, this practice has been extremely useful. Anytime we work with other people there will be much that is out of our control. If we’re working for someone else’s business or entity, we don’t control the budget or policies. When we’re working with clients, we don’t control their business decisions. We don’t control the way other people act, either. There will be plenty of times when we are asked, told, or demanded to do things we don’t want to do.

At surface level, this is disempowering. However we almost always have choices. We can choose to go along to get along, negotiate, or say no and let the consequences be what they will be. Sometimes we make choices because we believe that the short-term discomfort is worth the long-term gains. Those gains might be money, career advancement or more opportunities later on. In any case, acknowledging to ourselves that we’re making a choice takes our power back.

I have a great non-work example. Last month I decided to do a showcase dance performance, something I’d been thinking of for the last three years. A non-competitive showcase is basically a dance recital for adults. In my case, I will be performing a Latin fusion routine with my dance instructor as the lead.

Partner dancing is one of my favorite hobbies. I’m most comfortable with country two step and other “bar dances” like the Cowboy Cha Cha, Schottische, and Horseshoe and have done them enough to have a great time without thinking much about the footwork. I also do ballroom dancing once in a while.

I will tell anyone that with all of these dances, I’m not a technical dancer. The moves are not executed perfectly and I’ll get off step once in a while. But I’ve danced enough to follow experienced leads and get back on count quickly, and I rely on styling and smiling for the rest. This has been just fine to have fun social dancing.

With this showcase, however, I’m learning a style of dance that is new to me and I want to be as technically accurate as possible from the beginning.

New style + new focus on technical precision = frustration².

The Latin movement that I’m learning for the Rumba and Cha Cha is completely different from the type of dancing that I’m used to. I have to learn to move my feet, knees, hips and ribcage in a new way. It’s so unnatural to me that I feel like I’ve never danced before.

It reminds me of the last adult ballet class I took a few years ago, but it is even more painful. In ballet I can feel what the movement is intended to be even if I don’t perform the moves or sequences correctly. Latin motion is so new that I have no idea if I’m doing it right unless the instructor tells me.

To prepare for the showcase in two months, I’m taking three hours of lessons each week. It’s confusing, frustrating and embarrassing and I get so mad because each step is a struggle to execute correctly. I mostly hate it. And my attitude in class shows it, which isn’t fair to my instructor and only makes the lessons harder for me.

I could quit but I won’t. After years of relying on energy, expression and fancy moves instead of technical details, I am determined to learn how to perform the dances accurately. I’m choosing to take lessons that I dislike in order to dance well at the showcase and be a better social dancer afterwards.

In next week’s lessons I’m going to remind myself of the goal that I’m working towards. I’m also going to focus on being grateful for the opportunity and try to bring a lighter attitude to the studio.

To motivate myself, I watched the movie Dirty Dancing. If Baby could learn the Mambo in less than a week, I can learn Latin Rumba and Cha Cha in two months.

This experience is good practice for the work realm: remembering that I have a choice about doing things I dislike, including my attitude.

I still plan to have as many spins and dips in my routine as I can convince the choreographer to include, including something like the picture below.

I have 63 days to work on this backbend. My hands and feet should be closer together with more arch in my spine and my leg pointed straight up in the air. The pretty sunset is like the flair that used to distract attention from my sloppy footwork. This time I want solid technique as my foundation and the fancy moves to be an enhancement.

Will I do it? Yes I will. Nobody puts Baby in the corner.

Tags: attitude, choices, dance lessons, doing what you don't want to do, perspective